Over the last few months, one of my clients – let’s call him Neil – has been working on his tendency to compare himself with others, particularly in the workplace. He has found that this tendency leads to anxiety and also distracts him, thus detrimentally affecting his performance which then leads to an unfavourable comparison with his colleagues so then he overthinks things. As you can see, this is not a helpful cycle and one he was keen to break.
Most of us can probably think of a time in our lives when we’ve struggled with ‘comparisonitis’ – a niggly little bug which lingers in our systems, sapping our energy and vigour. I once read a passage which said that if I suggested to you that you took the hero from each of two novels and asked you to choose which one was the best, you would think that was a crazy idea. The heroes have different backgrounds, different experiences, different social circles, different skills and different purposes which they will fulfil at their own pace. It’s true, isn’t it? There is no value in comparing Bilbo Baggins and Elizabeth Bennet. And yet, we persist in comparing ourselves with other people.
As Neil and I discussed his comparison anxiety, we agreed that one way for him to tackle it was to focus on his strengths rather than his perceived shortcomings. To do this, Neil decided to spend time journalling and, to remind him of the journal’s purpose, he added this quotation from Jay Shetty’s book, Think Like a Monk, to the front page of the notebook:
‘If I sold more apples that you did yesterday, but you sold more today, this says nothing about whether I’m improving as an apple seller.‘
Like so many of us who consider journalling, Neil was daunted by the blank page so we devised a list of questions or prompts to get him started. With his permission, I’m sharing his list below in case you’d like to try some strength-journalling for yourself:
- If I asked my partner/best friend/trusted colleague to name my strengths, what would they say?
- What is my proudest achievement and how did I achieve it?
- Am I making the most of my strengths at work?
- How do I measure success?
- Which of my strengths have I used this week?
- When people ask me for help or advice, what kind of help are they usually looking for?
- Is there a strength of mine that I feel goes unnoticed or is undervalued? How could I improve that?
- Reflect on a challenge I’ve had to tackle – what did I learn from that? What surprised me?
- Look back on the last ten years – how have I developed and grown?
- What strengths do I value in others? Can I work on those for myself?
- How do I solve problems?
- What compliments/positive feedback have I received lately?
- What have I had to overcome in my life/career? What did I learn from that?
- How can I use my strengths to develop my team?
- When am I at my best?
- How am I a positive influence at work or at home?
- Is there a strength I’m neglecting? How can I use it more?
- Under what circumstances do I thrive?
- How can I have a positive impact/influence within a group?
- How do my habits support my strengths?
Neil’s notebook has enabled him to turn away from comparison with others and turn towards comparison with himself. He’s developing a healthy, productive practice which dissipates the anxiety of comparisonitis and spurs him on towards self-development.
Today’s pebble for you to ponder: do you struggle with comparison anxiety? Will you try strength-journalling to see how it could help you?
Michelle
Turning over pebbles is the blog of Thinking Space Coaching
If you’re interested in making the most of your potential, please do email me and let’s have a conversation about how we can work together.
Turning over pebbles 